Ok y’all so I am getting to be a chunk.

An official chunk.  And I haven’t been able to get myself motivated to lose the chunk, even though I see pictures of myself and think, “holy mother of tub, I am wide as outside.”

There are three profoundly sad things about my being a chunk monster right now and neither are the fact that I am actually overweight:

1) The fact that I’ve felt less worthy, which is understandable given that I’m an American woman with (quite shocking) images of photoshopped women on the runway, and in every ad all around me.  Understandable, but depressing nonetheless.

2) Nearly 12 weeks post-partum with R2 –who just turned two years old– I was down to my pre-preggo weight of 162.  At 5′ 6″ weighing in at a whopping 185 means I’ve packed on 23 pounds in a little less than TWO FLIPPIN YEARS.  Yes, I\’ve struggled with clinical depression, and yes, I’m still adjusting to two kiddo’s, and yes, I travel a bit for my job, but still.  At this rate I’ll be over 300 pounds by 2015. Ay ay ay.

3) Everyday I wake up and wonder what I can wear to hide my flub, which means I’m not enjoying my cute outfits.  Sigh.

In light of all this sadness, I decided to address at least one of my issues.  One must start somewhere, eh?

Pinterest has inspired me to enjoy my (EXTRA) curves while I’ve got them.  There’s lots of big girls out there dressing to their size, why the heck shouldn’t I?  Why must I be banished to over-sized sweatshirts and stretchy, work-out, yoga pants every. single. day?!?!

So.  Here we go.  I’ve been extremely hesitant to go there with ‘the belted cardi look’ because all my flab rests solely on my waist making me look consistently 5 months pregnant with giant, milk-filled ta-ta’s.  But, I realized I was belting too high and with the wrong type of shirts. Either too short, too maternity-wear looking, or too tight.

Here’s the two looks I was inspired by, courtesy of my \”Fashion Dahling\” Pinboard on Pinterest of course…

My Look:

green tank underneath

long, racer-back Maurice’s tank top (which I found at a Goodwill for $2) =)

Old Navy, XS, lime green, fuzzy cardi (you may be wondering why on God’s green earth anything in my closet is an XS?  It’s because my fashionable friend, Sharry gave it to me with hords of other cool stuff, and she, my friends IS extra small).

Old Navy Skinny’s

Dark brown, braided belt

Dark brown, cowboy-ish, distressed leather, mid-calf, Target boots.

Necklace, Meijer clearance rack.

(I couldn’t fit my outfit and my head in the same shot, laugh out loud)

Dark green scarf, T.J. Maxx (where you get the max for the minimum)

Dark green, Faded Glory jacket from WalMart last season for $5.  Yep, $5.  In fact, I was so enamored with it I bought one for my friend Jessica too.  I didn’t “get it” when I bought it, but now I “get it,” and it’s so cute. =)

Dark brown hoop earrings, again Meijer clearance.

Totally off topic.  Below, I ran my pic through a new iphone photography app called “Dynamic Light.”

The pic below I made by manipulating that same photo through an iphone photgraphy app called “Grungetastic.”

Finally, I tried the iphone app, “Pixlromatic” for the red effect below.

(In case you hadn’t noticed I got the iphone 4s which boasts of an 8 MexaPixel camera, so I’ve been dying to try all these cool photo apps)!

By the way, tangent about my iphone over.

Soooooooooo, the moral of the story is, I’ll start here.  Right here, with fashion where I feel most at home.  I’ll start trying to dress my bigger body and maybe somehow that will motivate me to drop these extra 40-ish pounds.

What about you?  Any of you stuck in a chunk-monster rut?

Anyone else dressing to cover themselves up because of some weird notion of shame surrounding a bit’o’chunk?

Anyone else wanting to join me in trying to get healthy? =)

  • Michelle

    LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the look! Listen Grace, you’ll be excited to know that I, Michelle L. Wingard has decided to pay more attention to fashion. I want to dress fashionable. It just hit me two weeks ago while flipping through a magazine. I thought, hey, I wanna be creative with my dressing. SO, here I am. But, my biggest problem is …. I HATE shopping! I hate it with my SOUL! One reason I’d like to have lots of money one day is because I want a personal shopper (there are other reasons too like I could give more, buy my mom a house, etc). Just reading about all of the different places you bought the things made me tired and feel hopeless to live a life of no fashion (okay that was dramatic but I did feel tired). Anyway, I feel your chunky pain. I am actually in a weight loss competition with my mother and two of my sisters and that has been motivation. Also I bought a pedometer in order to track my steps. Everyone is suppose to take at least 10,000 steps each day so having the pedometer pushes me to get in those steps and even more.

    • Grace

      thanks, Michelle! I would love to shop for you dang that would be fun… but I wanted to tell you to check out the clearance rack where-ever you are, whenever your grocery shopping or whatever taht way it’s not an extra trip… that’s how I manage to do it, plus you know I love me some consignment stores. GOOD FOR YOU with the pedometer thing! I should TOTALLY try to do that since the iphone has a pedometer app! so proud of your family for doing that!

  • Sara

    I’m with Michelle; I’d love a personal shopper! I go into a store or one of the used clothes places (Goodwill, etc.) , look at everything and don’t buy anything. Why? Because I can’t visualize how to put things together to look like a fashionable person my age. I love your looks, Grace!

    • Grace

      thanks, Sara! If you ever want me to personal shop for ya, I will! =)

  • Erica

    Very, very cute!! I am with Michelle & Sara, where do you find the time to shop at all these places?! I think the last time I went shopping was for my birthday (July) & went to one store & stayed for 3 hours and ending up with a few items? I really need to lose ALOT of weight because nothing looks right on me. When I try to buy a bigger size it makes me look frumpy… but I’m not ok with showing all my rolls, see my dilema. I do however LOVE shopping for my kids, their stuff is so cute & I can find really good deals. So I know there is a shopper in me, just not for me, at this weight…..

    • Grace

      Erica, well I get so much from Target, WalMart & Meijer b/c I always check the clearance rack when I’m there to grocery shop…otherwise no time! and I agree it is soooo much easier to shop for hte kiddos!

  • Jen

    Grace, your old friend Jen has finally gotten more into fashion as well. :) It’s mostly due to my friend Emily who has taught me more about how to shop for my body type. She is actually a size 6, but knows how to work my size 12 because her rockin sister is a size 12. My new favorite thing to buy is leggings and jeggings, though, I made fun of Emily when she first suggested it ( I always hate trends at first…no idea what that means about me). SO comfortable and there are a million things they look good with, including belted cardigans. :) I live within walking distance to a TJ Maxx and I love me some Macy sales! I just bought a super cute Calvin Klien dress 1/2 off and a sweater I wanted last year that was 70% off. Shop Macy clearance!

    As far as the chunk goes… I hear you!! I seem to mostly go back and forth between a 10 and a 12 and I’ve decided to just be happy with that. If my 12 gets tight, i start low carbing again. Low carbing also helped me when I was super stressed out (maybe slightly depressed) about work and my nutso family. Have you tried that? I’m not suggesting no carbs, I still eat lots of fruit. I just save my bad carbs for weekends or a good beer. :)

    Also, I love you and you are smokin hot girl!

    • Grace

      Yo Jen Babe! That is exciting, yay for you! Well dear, we are both 12’s now, so we can share our fashionable looks =) I LOVE the Maxx! But Macy’s is across town & I hear their clearance is great but I get so nervous to go in there b/c what if I’m tempted to buy something full price?! hahahaha must reduce temptation! i think i am going to try a few rules like not eating after 8pm, cutting back on pop, maybe adding 5 fruits/veggies per day, something like that….every little thing helps OH and I’m only taking the stairs whereever I go — no elevators! +) thanks for the compliments. Love you too!

  • cristina terry

    Grace, I am not sure how much you will believe me, but I think you are stunningly beautiful! I remember thinking when I last saw you and you were complaining about being overweight and chubby, that I would so love to have your body!! Life has been good here and I am slowly beginning to chip away at about 10 years of gradual weight gain. I am down 10 pounds and really want to keep going. I know prayer has been a huge source of help for me this time around. I will be praying for you as you embark on this journey toward health and healing and would love to workout or walk or whatever with you when I get back. Also, your outfits are so cute!!!

    • Grace

      Cristina, yes PLEASE let’s walk or run or jog or something together! I really need something in person, though I love having the online camraderie =) thank you for your compliments, it’s just you know how it feels to feel bigger than youv’e ever been, it’s just discouraging. but thank you! appreciate you!

  • http://significantshe.wordpress.com Francie Winslow

    Hey Grace, you don’t know me, but Jessica and I are in the Wheaton grad program together and she speaks highly of you…love your blog and wanted to thank you for your honesty. It is soo refreshing. You are beautiful, and it doesn’t matter your size b/c you wear it with confidence. I pray that we would all be able to walk in confidence no matter how big or small we may be at the moment. Love the way you share your journey so candidly…thank you for that.
    Francie Winslow recently posted..Pause for MOMENTS like these

    • Grace

      Francie, thanks for blog hopping and comin’ over here for a visit…nice to “meet you!” Any friend of Jess’ is a friend of mine! =) Thanks for your kind words, and such wise prayers as all of us women deal with our body types (for such a media-saturated time as this)! Blessings! =)

  • Sharry C

    You did a great job putting your fits together! Looks good. You’re right no matter what size you are you can still be a glam girl!

    • Grace

      thx, Sharry! =)

  • Jill Vande Zande

    Yep, I feel like a chunk too. I’m pretty much back to my college weight, and although most of my clothes are still fitting, I know it’s not healthy, or good for my skeletal system to be this way. Damn CP! I’ve just been so tired lately (damn depression!), and I don’t have the energy to get my sweat on on my treadmill. Which is really sad because I ENJOY getting my sweat on. Especially now that my back is functioning better and winter is coming.

    Grace, a question to which you may email me if you like. Have you ever had to switch anti-depressants? I made a switch earlier this week because I was back to not being able to fall asleep until 3:00AM, and THAT was irritating. However, this new med, Remerol, is making me incredibly drowsy, and completely uninterested in doing anything beside sleeping. I made the switch on Wednesday night. How do you cope? Help and prayers to a fellow girl, s’il vous plait! And when I’m tired, my brain switches to French. Not kidding.

    Love you!


    • Grace

      Jill, you have hit the nail on the head: it’s about being healthy. For you it’s one thing, for me it’s near constant neck, back & head-ache’s. I don’t QUITE enjoy getting my sweat on like you do, but I do feel this weird sense of empowerment after I’m done….which is prolly just the endorphins, but either way —why NOT get feel-good endorphins when they are FREE to me??? =) About the anti-depressants, yeah, I’m doing Zoloft —no shame in my game. It helps BIG time.

      That is so hillarious about being tired and switching to french. you are such a character!!!!! love you too, kiddo.

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