In the past few months I’ve told you how I’m a chunk monster, how Pinterest inspired me to lose weight, how my first real work out in a over a year made me feel like a god among ALL women and how I’m an un-tameable sexy beast now that I’ve done a total of six work outs…since 01.01.2012.

I need something concrete, how about you?

We all know there’s a gajillion reasons we should get our chunky butt’s off the couch.  Besides treating depression, improving mood, getting better sleep, reducing the risk of heart attack or heart disease, gaining energy & HAVING BETTER SEX (hello?!?) there’s that eensy-teensy reason called…ahem, weight-loss.

As I thought about making some obnoxious weight loss goal to fit into an obnoxiously tiny bathing suit this summer, my first thought was,”screw it,” I’d rather be fat.

But on December 30, 2011 I turned a whopping thirty-five years old and realized half my life was over.  Also, we got family pictures taken.  I could see my fat poking out of every crevice: neck, arms, belly, ginormo-boobs.  There was no bodily area unscathed from my rapid weight gain of 2011.

Honestly, I thought, “who IS that?”  I don’t look like myself, y’all.  Sigh.

Double or thriple chin, anyone? In all honesty, I’m wearing two girdles & a breast binding bra! (Well, you can’t blame me for trying to hold that junk in).  Photo Credit: Brian Wolfe

(FYI: you can see all the  fatty fatterson family pics here.)

I’m “one of those,” who’s tried almost everything…Atkins, Body for Life, Tae-Bo, running, swimming, marathoning.  They all work at getting healthy and I’ve lost weight with all of them, but I’ve never stuck to any of them consistently past meeting my goal.

Atkins diet was DASTARDLY UNREASONABLE for the long-term.

Body for Life’s work-outs were OBNOXIOUS & OBTRUSIVE.

Tae-Bo is AMAZING, but a) has no diet plan & b) can get boring when you only have 3-5 different video’s.

Swimming, running & marathoning are awesome, each done in moderation.

(And when I say “marathoning” I mean UNO marathon: once-in-a-lifetime is ENOUGH for me.

I know I need something long-term.  Something will allow me to eat these at least once a month…

…cinnamon-sugar crusted coffee cake muffins, oreo cookie cupcakes & mint oreo truffles…

 Additionally, I need a long-term plan to have consistent, yet varied work-outs…for the rest of my God-given life.

So. I decided to do away with a ‘goal for 2012.’

Screw 2012.

I’m getting healthy for 2021.