I wish you could see yourself the way I see you!

He was all flummoxed.  All concerned.  Reasonably so.  I’d communicated something-or-other about how I’m-not-good-enough-for-this or don’t-deserve-this  OR THAT.  I’d weaseled my way out of kind words and decided instead to settle on why it’s okay for someone to treat me poorly because, really, it was all just a big misunderstanding.  And yes, this friend loves me -of course- this friend just isn’t sensitive to my issues.  And besides, I can’t expect to be treated like a normal human being all the time.  I spit excuses faster than a speeding bullet.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you, he reiterates.

It carried weight for me.  He’d said it with so much emotion, so much like a black pastor when he’s hoopin’, heavin’ & hollerin’.  It was filled with all of that longing and all of that frustration because he knows and I know it: I don’t see myself the way he sees me.

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I wish you could see that you don’t deserve this.

There was something so deeply loving, deeply accepting about that sentiment.

He sees me.

He sees me as beautiful and worthy.

He wants me to see me the way he sees me.

He communicates he wants me to see me the way he sees me.

i wish you could see yourselfIt’s one of my new favorite phrases, I think. It’s the one I want to whisper to myself when I’m spitting a steady flow of self-hatred at my battle weary self-defenses.

It’s the one I want to whisper -perhaps scream- to you when I hear you tell yourself why not your not worth it.

It’s the one I want to get tatted up on myself if I could afford any of the 7 additional tats I’m dreaming up.

It’s the phrase running through my head each day for the past week ever since he said it. It’s the phrase I’m considering.

Because what does it mean when someone CALLS OUT of you truth and beauty, integrity, redemption and hope that you can’t grasp but is somehow deep down in there?

What does it mean when Marla gets a little feisty with me, “YOU. ARE. Redeemed!” but I feel anything but?

I wonder if redemption explains itself fully in hindsight? I wonder if you pull up a chair and read those old journals and marvel at all that redemption that happened while you were barely able to see straight.  I wonder if Cindy is right, if I’m in the middle of it.  She says, 10 years from now, we’ll laugh together at all this.  Now that’s a good one.

We will make it, she says.  I wish you saw yourself the way I see you, he says.

I open the journal.  I write it down.

Baby girl, I wish you could see your self the way he sees you, with all of the beauty and goodness in which she sees you…the way God sees you. I know you don’t believe me, you or them, but you are redeemed.  You are, in fact, God’s daughter, who is, ahem, The King.  No one messes with The King’s daughter unless they want to get their head lopped off.  Maybe, just for today, maybe you could get out of the pig pen and just.for.this.moment trudge up to the royal palace as if you belong there.  As if there’s a room in there just for you.  Maybe if you sit there long enough, maybe-just-maybe you’ll get comfortable being treated like the Princess you are.  Maybe you’ll see differently.  Maybe you’ll see you the way they all do.

I pray for you today, that you too, can see yourself through the eyes of those who love you most.

 

 

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  • http://anitamathias.com/ Anita Mathias

    Lovely. I love the looking at 10 year old journals to see how far you’ve come. For me, even 5 year old journals will do it! :-)

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      Anita, TRUE! Doesn’t take that long often for God to work his redemptive magic! Thankfully!

  • Dave B.

    A love letter to my wife:
    Grace, I am thankful for every way God is revealing to you the truth, beauty, integrity, redemption and hope that is inside of you. That is the reason I married you 13 years ago: because God showed me your value. Because God is speaking to you through people, and because it’s sometimes hardest for a person to hear his/her own spouse, I want you to take a minute to listen for the ways that my life- in the past three weeks alone- has sung with the chorus of people calling out your value and loveliness:

    I declared to you, and others, “I love you and I am fighting for you.” And then I proved it with my actions.

    Confronting one who treated you poorly, I say, “She is God’s daughter. I treat her like that. How dare you.”

    I demonstrate your value each time I forgive you for hurts that spouses bestow on each other.

    I sacrifice other things of value in order to care for you, and I commit to building new things with you.

    I protect you and attempt to step in front of you to take bullets aimed at you. (Figuratively)

    I keep coming alongside you on your journey toward healing and freedom.

    I write you, “You are fighter, and a survivor, and God’s redeemed daughter, and my bride who I love, and you possess the power of the kingdom of God that the gates of hell cannot prevail against. You are so much more. And you can fight this. And we can fight this.”

    In just the last few weeks, I have spoken your worth in all these ways. I wish that you could see yourself the way that I see you, and not the way that you think i see you.

    As the one who has walked at your side for 14 years and shed blood, sweat, and tears for you in ways that only a spouse can, loving you with my lived-out-actions as no one else ever has or ever will, this is true reality:
    I see you.
    I see you as beautiful and worthy.
    I want you to see you the ways that I, and God, see you.
    The ways I have given myself up for you through the years are my lived-out-words whispering, “I want you to see you the way that God sees you.”

    Grace, as I write this I pray that you, too, can see yourself through the eyes of those that love you most.

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      Thank you so much, Baby.

  • Monica

    Grace; I had a former boyfriend say those words to me years ago and they stopped me in my tracks. May we grab hold of the courage God has for us and see ourselves as He and others see us. We are much more…if only we believed.

    Monica

    P.S. I love your vulnerability, courage, humor and the raw truth you display on your blog. Yes, you are much better than you may think. BELIEVE!
    P.S.S. You may have to clone Dave!

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      Wow. True. Thank you so much, Monica. I’m sure Dave will be happy about your P.S.S. =)

  • Sara

    Grace, this is one of the things I’ve been praying for you, that you will see yourself as a precious daughter of The King! Did I ever give you a copy of the little blue book called HIS PRINCESS, LOVE LETTERS FROM YOUR KING BY Sheri Rose Shepherd? If not let me know. On p. 12 & 13, it says at the beginning :
    “You are a daughter of the King, and not just any king, you are my daughter and I am the God of all heaven and earth. I am delighted with you! You are the apple of my eye! ” and it goes on. The reference verse is
    2 Corinthians 6:18, I am honored to have you for a daughter. You have opened my eyes to so many things.
    God has gifted you in amazing ways allowing you to reach people I can’t reach because our backgrounds are so different. You are the special person that God picked for my son and the mother of two of our grandkids. Hugs & continued prayers.

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      Sara, well God has been answering your prayers for that specific prayer in the last 24 hours! I’ve been trying to really process what that means. And YES, you did give me a copy of that beloved book that I have looked at several times over the years. I’ll get it back out! It’s pretty close to my messy bed side. =) I’ve really enjoyed that little book! Thank you for your prayers and affirmation and love. Love you so much!

  • Johanna

    Beautiful.

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      thank you, Johanna. <3

  • Jillie

    Dear Grace…I understand. The way you have written this, oh my! I know what it is to hear the voice of the enemy louder than the voice of our God. It has taken years for me to accept the words of others, their compliments, their sincerity, their love. Because I carry such a low self-image, I have even cried over kind things others have said to me, because I don’t believe it of myself.
    Your dear husband…his words to you are so beautiful, and the fact that he backs them up with his actions of love…well, that’s pure gold there, Girl. Interestingly, my husband’s name is also Dave, and for many years he worked very hard to build me up from my rocky foundation in life. I think, sometimes, he’s given up on trying to convince me. At times, I have been reminded that I’m actually displaying an inverted pride in it all, and I don’t like the thought of that. I’ve had to learn to accept the kindnesses of others, and thank God for them. They DO see us differently than we see ourselves, it’s a fact. We are our own worst critics, and some days we think we will go mad with all the conflicting thoughts. BUT we do…we have the King of kings living in our hearts. The King is within us. And He is working. Working to renew our minds, and to see ourselves as He sees us. His Word is the healing balm. It may take a lifetime, but He is faithful to complete that which He has begun in us. Amen. I’m holding to His promise.
    Be encouraged today, Grace. I see much of who you are, through your writings. You have a strong and beautiful heart, a brilliant mind. And 3 people under your roof who love you from here to infinity…and beyond!

  • mongupp

    I really love you, sister Grace. Your writing encourages me. What a wonderful Godly husband and mother in law Our Lord has given you. You are buffeted by grace!

    • http://www.gracebiskie.com/ Grace Biskie

      Mongupp, perhaps that could be my next blog tag line: “buffeted by grace!” ahahahahahaha love you too!

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